Kite

     The main character of Kite is Sawa, as in "the sand you cannot hold", or "the pee you cannot drink". Sawa's parents were killed when she was very young, by a crooked cop named Akai. She is now forced to work for him as an assassin or die. For good luck, Sawa wears earrings made of her parents' blood. Afterall, nothing says "winner" like the death of a loved one, right? And nothing says 'Kite' like 'porn'.
     In addition to being a cop, Akai is also Sawa's parental figure and lover. Its good to know that not only America has white trash, isn't it? And finally, Obure. Obure is the second assassin working for Akai; eventually, he becomes Sawa's friend and partner. When Obure tries to run away, he decides to take Sawa with him; when Sawa screws Akai, she decides to make Obure watch. Ouch.
     Oh yea, there's some fat pink guy too, but he doesn't talk much.

     There are actually two versions of Kite. An editted and an uneditted version; a version with porn and gore, and a version for wussies. Hell, the uneditted version doesn't even exist in America. That is tough. Think of it this way: 45 minutes cut. 85 uncut. Better yet, think of it this way: I got porno. You missed out.

     As usual, anime hates Americans. The local American fast food company is known as "Make Fat" in English. . . as if the people they were insulting weren't the only people that could read it! Good call. At least there were two real Americans in this flick before it ended. They both died, but they went down strong. Dirty, pants-wetting regurgitators. Damn, that makes me proud to be a Yank. And damn, I hate me.

     All in all, the style and theme of this movie are pretty cool. Its a really dark flick, and kinda sad at the end. On the other hand, Sawa uses bullets that shoot people from the inside out, and that rules. I ain't sad. The film's kinda disjointed, but so is most porno. This is the first ever action-porno I have seen, and I am damn proud of it. On the Danny scale, lets say. . . 6 out of 10 dangly whot-nots. Yum.


By Danny