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Fear the Secret Canadian Super ArmyCanadian Shock Troopers. My mother used to use their name to frighten me when i wouldn't take a bath or go to sleep. She used to say, "Damn it Manchild take your bath and go to sleep or the Canadian Shock Troopers will come and claw your spleen out and sell it to the pursian black market!" And I would usually reply, "No time for the jibba jabba. I'm the King of the Frogs and i have to save Alaska from Captain Grip. Let's go Karate Dog!" And then i would run off into the backyard wearing nothing save my yellow rain coat and wielding my magical plunger. A plunger, you know the thing you use to unclog your toilet. The only difference was that my plunger was magical. It could make things burn. But those words that my mother told me stay in my mind to this day. Very powerful words. I hope you never have to run into a Canadian Shock Trooper. He just might claw out your spleen. You might not know what a Canadian Shock Trooper looks like so let me write you a description.Troopers are small. Very small. Imagine your little brother Fred and cut his height in half. That's about how tall a shock trooper is. But don't think they're slow or weak. They have crazy extendo leg technology that make them go crazy fast. And it makes them kick really hard. ::writer rubs his shin:: And the tiny blokes are strong too. Imagine a midget wrestler. Perhaps the famous midget wrestler Pancho the Bull or Stanly LittleJohn. Small people but ungodly strong. Shock troopers have this midget wrestler strength plus they use crazy power robot suits, that also serve as armor. The suit is about two inches thick in some places and made out of some sort of material that no one has been able to identify yet. (It's probably the stuff they make Israli Pepsi cans out of.) This makes them ultra strong, almost as tough as Mr. T and a very small target to hit. Their immense strength also allows them to use weapons sometimes 4 times their size! And let me tell you it is very intimidating to see a two foot midget using a rocket launcher all on his own, or to see them chopping down your friends with a 6 foot long sword. They've also been seen ripping tanks apart with their bare hands. The suits seem to run on maple syrup which is infinitely abundant in Canada. This is probably the reason why the troopers do not go on operations in other countries that much. Another very scary feature of the shock troopers is that they are fanatical devoted to the country. Often standing their ground when the circumstances are at their worst. They train these carniverous beasties at the heart of their country, Toronto. (Shock Troopers have also been seen in Russia. Suggesting an alliance between "The Great White North" and "The Mother Country." What Canada is getting in the deal i don't know... perhaps atomic weapons to add to their arsenal.) The Shock Troopers plus Canada's great health plan makes Canada's military power much stronger than anyone could believe. Canada has never been put in enough danger to bring these super midgets out into any real action action, much preferring ot use the expendable Mounty, but one day someone will declare war on Canada (probably us) and the fearsome tiny mighty men will be brought into action. Be afraid. Be very afraid. By Max | |||
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
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