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RANTS!!!(not an insanity, but an artform)By Danny yea! Replys are for the replyee, not the replyer! if you mark what he said the marking is for a marker! one that you use to draw! Draw Blue! The color of the fish im looking at! The fish that could eat YOUR HEAD! So stuff that reply full of fish food! Otherwise, your head will be 3.4 miles into fishy bowel-ville. And that's one place you dont wanna hafta go to buy brocoli for dinner! Believe you me! That guy who runs the store would stab your shoes for a nickle! That nickle coulda gone to buy a banjo, DAMN YOU! I've been taking lessons! Now what will i play on! A NOSE FLUTE?! My life is a waste! A waste like the kind you put in a potty! I belong IN A POTTY!!! GAH! In conclusion, if you reply to posts, you belong in a toilet. I think that proved my point! By Sifl and Olly I like Monkeys big super monkeys even when they pinch my arm zippity bang, orangutans never did nobody no harm I like monkeys punky, funky, monkeys When they wear bandanas... I feel overwhelmed By Danny What inspires someone to cry just for getting a bad grade in school? What thought process goes into this? "I got a D. My mother will not approve. She will disown me. I will live alone on the street. I will easy prey for a street roaming cyborg fiend. When he ingests me, he will get just enough power to kill the president. He will conquer the world. I have caused the world's destruction." Well, damn. I guess they CAN cry. . . By Danny Bubble gum smurfs are running in my head. If only that yak would stop falling. Catch it with a giant metal spoon. Ping! Don't buy broccoli from the man. Cee Cee Two, Electric Boogalo Snow men give me the creeps. . . On ice. By Danny Ok, new rant. . . Today i tried to get into a fight online. (Its a hobby of mine.) Three guys I tried to have a nice, wholesome, ol' fashoned bitch-fest with. ALL resorted to just calling me a mother-fucker. Once? fine. Twice? old. Forty-two times? someone's got an Oedipus Complex. Here is my problem: Everyone uses the same cuss words! Mother-fucker, ass-hole, son of a bitch. NONE of them are all that clever, but ALL of them are over-used. How about some new words, or even resorting to the classics: Stupid-face, jerk-head, doody-pants. At this point, at least today, i will LOOK UP to the first person brave enough to call me a poop-nose. At least it shows some character and originality. You tell me: how can i get in a fight when EVERYONE says the same thing? I've got nothing to work with. Fight the norm! Break free from the mold! Call a friend a stinky-head! By Derek Long ago, I had a crazy old man for a neighbor. This old man - he used to kill thousands of tadpoles and glue them to a big, wooden wheel. Then, he would roll the wheel down our street and chase after it giggling. Wherever it stopped, he would look down at the wheel and scream, "TADPOLE! TADPOLE WINS!!" We used to think he was crazy. Now I know --- I had a lot of growing up to do. By Danny The beautiful sunset is like Godzilla's magic fire-breath in the night. Illuminating the sky with flame and light. Attracting the attention of everyone around. Inspiring awe into those who believe. A target for paint and film renowned. And killing innocent Japanese. By Danny Thank you letters. The cruelest torture EVER created by man. These dreaded things just MIGHT have originated from ancient Chinese tortures. Does anyone else dread a party just beacause of these things? If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, thank-you notes are the most insincere BULLSHIT ever. A person sends you a stapler lets say. You respond with not just "Thank you", but "I will treasure this forever and im honored to have it." I know we all love gifts, but the next time you get a BlockBuster gift certificate, are you really going to "put this to good use and enjoy it for a while to come"? We ALL know what that use will be... a video. Sure, a "thanks" or nod would do, but because THIS gift was official, we must now write a ten-page essay devoted to the glory and beauty of that single swirly straw. Next time a friend has a fancy party, agree with all your friends to give the host a gumball. Have each party-goer send just ONE gumball. Within 3-7 days, you will see the most poetic ode to a gumball ever written. It will be a "pride and joy", "honor", AND "joy". Bet you never knew gum was so lovely. If you DON'T send one of these hellish notes, you instantly become an uncaring, selfish sumnabitch. In conclusion, next time you find your self belting out these completely meaningless and sarcastic letters while mindlessly drooling puddles that Big Foot himself couldn't wade across, think one comforting thought. "At least my nails arent being pulled out by the roots." Honestly, thank you for your time. It was a joy. By Jenny Squealing Gerbil Glorious rodent Relief from the usual Cock up the anus. The greates invention of modern times Better than cotton Good like candy but funner Edible panties I'm really insulting this art form My dog will lick me Well, that's nice and friendly but He just cleaned his nuts Pondering Nature Frogs make me wonder Just because they don't have dicks Do they masturbate? By Alena Oh the gnomes wil take us all take us to human hell And in their homes we'll have to crawl with worms and snakes to dwell. Oh how soon that day will come to live with gnomes & mining, Bad to some and death to most because of all coal grinding. So if you read this verse with fear that fear is justified For I'm the one that got so near and on the gnomes I spied. The scheme with fire in their eyes and laugh with gnomish cries. By Jenny Oh in a land, a land of poo, The toilet gophers came, And forged through blizzards' brownish goo, And uric acid rain. They met upon the battle grounds With plungers readily wielded, And commenced to whack it out Until each gopher yielded. Such weary battle heros, Their story ever told, In the ballad Of these gophers From the toilet bowl. By Alena My true thoughts on a very urgent matter--RICE IS BAD And age old question has haunted this country for at least 30 seconds--what is rice? Why is it shaped like that? How come it comes in so many colors, like white, brown, and the ever mysterious black? Why is it so darn good with raw fish? SOMETHING CAN'T BE SO PERFECT! Or is it… How do we know that rice really isn't just some weird animal, or a government conspiracy? How do we, the American public, recognize the difference between this healthy grain and seven pounds of gruel? 9 out of 10 Nicopolumpa's can't tell the difference between them. . .so how can we? I conducted my own experiments with rice a mere hour ago in this non-gov't founded kitchen. . .I found that it burns easily, tasteless without some kind of salty bouillon or sauce, and is suprisingly squishy and refreshingly pleasant in between my toes. Oh wait, hehe, let's pretend I never wrote that. . . So how about that rice? Strangely shaped, squishy in a pleasant way, tasteless and healthy, I think that it is a gov't cover-up protecting the Confederates. Or the Yankees..or even the Loch Ness monster. I guess this minute old question will never be answered…but it is my duty and my boredom infested right to research this topic until the bitter end! Will I fight! Quite so! But I do enjoy a cup of rice pudding. . .yum. . .pudding. . . By Derek One birthday, my grandmother gave me a bullet for my birthday presant. It was one of those big, live M-16 bullets. Well, I loved my grandma, so I kept that bullet in my pocket day-in and day-out. One day, a few years later, I was walking down the street when an enraged evangelist hurled a Gideon Bible at me from a 4th story window. I don't really know why. Well, that bible flew straight at my chest, hitting the bullet in my breast pocket. Luckily, the bible was reflected and fell to the ground. If it wasn't for that bullet, that bible would have killed me... By Danny Poetry unleashes the Polish in me Like dogs in heat growing from the corn When dancing cakes and spies trample the smell of October I feel No! Don't slap me with your finger men I'll drown in a wading-pool of you You guys Not quite enough to rape MY turkey In the ear But, when they pop, what will Tom call them We may never know They're untitled in half A Song for Any Occasion Hot, Not, Touch, You Hot, Not, Touch, You Cuz if you touch hot, Then feel good you'll not. Hot equals pain. Watering the dirt Watering the dirt So mud can grow. TRA LA! In my automobile I feel obscene Cuz I eat a bean And I turn all green In my automobile It was raining in my fresca I needed one more share to get my hair Some lady was waving a flag at me It was a sad bad bo-dad. Kung Lao doesn't wait a minute - to throw his hat at people with the chessboard in it. One night in Bangkok and your hat's a weapon. The hat's a blade - but that's ok with me. Matt can feel Robin's hand on his tooshy, But that is really Ryan Marteney. When someone fights Kung Lao, he never wins. Kung Lao can chop off Big Sam and the Twins. It's the Loody Oody fresh and fruity breakfast. If you eat it, you will never starve. Cuz it's seven pounds of bacon, And seven pounds of gruel, And if you try to eat it, Your neck will become a sliming pussing putrid pile of drool. | |||
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny