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The Tale of Wet WillyMany years ago in scotland a drunken scott came back to her happy scottish home. In her drunken stuper she thought a garden hose was her husband and began making kinky love to it. 9 months later a baby boy was born. In all aspects willy was a normal boy... except that he had flipers, but his parents loved him anyway. On the day of his birth however, his parents were visited by 3 short fat women with wings."As my birthday present to willy, i'll give him long gorgeus red hair", said the first fat lady. his parents laughed at the woman because as every scott knows all male babies are born with long red hair and long red beards as well, but they played along and calmly showed her the door. "As my birthday present to willy i give him the new Gundam Murdergun Explosion. fully equiped with poseable joints and happy decals, let me just put it together for him real quick", the second fat lady said. "as my gift to willy i give him the mystical sword of omens, you know, the one liono uses in thunder cats. All your son has to do to use it is talk about prostitutes and it gets longer!" said the third short fat women with wings. "gee thank you all so much for your gifts" willy's mom said as she lowered her shotgun and pointed them towards the door. "WAIT JUST A MINUTE" a voice that sounded like an angry feminist's said. "How come i was not invited to the party!!!" "uh noone was, please leave." said willy's mom "Blarrrg i am the ghost of christmas future" said the woman. "and on your son's eighteeth birthday he will prick himself on a garden hose and join a pirate crew." "wait!" said bob vila after the old hag had left "i have not given my gift yet, after your son becomes a pirate, a kiss from a narwhale will turn him back into a lumberjack!" "gee thanks for everything" willy's mom said. "now leave my house." willy grew up to be a bright young lad and his future looked promissing as a lumberjack. On the night of his 18th birthday though he pricked his finger on a garden hose and suddenly grew a peg leg and his eye fell out. "Yarrrrr" he said as he packed his bags and left the house. Many great adventures followed, including: a fight with a giant can of potted meat, a war against dark water which looked to be going well but ended rather ubruptly when ratings went down, and a breif appearance on a cartoon. After many years willy became known as wet willy and defeated the captain of his ship in the traditional armpit-fart jam-fest duel. On one of the many adventures that followed willy's ship was attacked by a narwhale "uter-blurgen shmurgen narwhale" said the narhwale, which in conversation norwegian means :give me some sweet lovin' you hunky scott.... narwhale. Sadly after the ensueing battle willy was kissed, his leg and eye grew back and he forgot how to say yarr. thankfully a french cannoe was passing bye and he sailed to canada where he once again became a succefull lumberjack and married the sexy narwhale who then turned out to be a were-salesman and every friday turned into a vacume salesman. The end. Lu: So kids what's the moral of the story? Kids: Never stick chocalte coins in your sleeping friends ear lest he wake up and attack you with a poker. Lu: Ya damn right! By Lu | |||
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny