I Love California

Every single candidate.

Warren Farrel: "My recent research has uncovered why children raised by single dads do better than children raised by single moms; why men now earn less money than women for the same work; why our sons now do worse in school than our daughters... [I will provide] ways to save billions of dollars on prisons and child protection with: equal father and mother involvement, universal prenatal care more male teachers; boy-friendly schools; a men's birth control pill [italics added]..."
     Yay... men? And, and you're an inventor too, I see. A scientist? With politics, magic is possible.
(Possibly time travel too.)

Trek Thunder Kelly: "Dear Voters, please vote for me, thus breaking the Seventh Seal and incurring Armageddon. I will legalize drugs, gambling, and prostitution so they may be taxed and regulated, the funds derived would subsidize the deficit. . . I don't care who you marry or have sex with."
     Boom! You now officially have my vote!

For a quote out of context:
James H Green: "...I've spent my adult life talking ... to people."
     I won't lie. This guy and Satan-unleaser are a close competition.

Paul Mariano: "A vote for me is a vote against the recall process... If you oppose the recall process, ... then vote for me."
     I can't tell if you're joking or lying or your self-esteem is shit. Either way, I'm a-callin' you out. There's only one Mario in my world, and he's a Yoshi ridin' fatty boy. LEAVE MY STATE.

Bob McClain: "Hello California!"
     You know what, Bob? I'm cuttin' you off right there. Hello right back atcha, bro. Your spritely attitude and genial smile have won me over from the start. Be my study buddy today?

Me say vote for Heather!!!

Heather Peters: "As a professional mediator..."
     Ah holy crap! Ghosts want to run my state! Gypsies commanding ghosts want to ru... Oh, heh, wait. That's something else entirely. Carry on, Heather.

Gary Coleman:
Well, okay. He didn't write a comment in the book. But, come on. That's funny all on it's own. Come on; look at it again.

Gary Coleman:

Kevin Richter: "I breathe."
     Whu-oh. Look out for Heather, Kevin. Her friends don't. And while there are 9,999 ghosts in her haunted mansion, there's always room for one mooore. MUAHAHAHAHA.
Yes. That's all the man wrote.

Hidden in the brain of every politician.

Kurt E. "Tachikaze" Rightmyer: "...As the leading middleweight of the 2003 California State Sumo Series..."
     Holy crap. There's a middleweight Sumo league?
Holy crap. There's a California Sumo league?
Holy crap. Shouldn't you be trapped in my TV, but only somewhere around midnight, and only on Redneck ESPN?
Ah, what the hell. Have a country-sized economy.

     Be proud of me. So far, I've let several people slide. There were several attempts to make jokes based solely on: Indian heritage, sexual preference, and simple stupid names.

Darrin H. Scheidle: "...Vote for the candidate who is "owned" by nobody!"
     Sure. Great. You aren't owned. But, have you ever been p0WNed?? Uuuungh!!

This is what I want to do to each of my friends' sites.

B.E. Smith: "I spends two years in federal prison because I grew medical marijuana for myself...."
     Way to start off on the right foot there, bro.
Btw... p0WNed!!!

     Notice. Be proud of me again. I was gunna jot a quote up here just for the word "cum". Hehehe. Magna Cum Laude. (I just got Berkeley revoked)

Lingel H. Winters: "I am seeking the office of Governor as a career citizen..."
     Whoa. Oh man. For a second there, I thought that said cancer citizen. No thank you. We have enough of your kind here.

Larry Flynt:
     Aw, come on. There's another one that's just funny on it's own....

Larry Flynt:


By Danny