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America's WORST JobsOk, don't take these as an offense if you work at one of these places. If you do, I am not refering to you here. I'm refering to. . . ::stiffles a laugh:: well, you. Lol.Shall we? We shall. Nut Doctor: Let's start with the most obvious shall we? I'm not talking about a urologist here - they're respectable enough. Who I mean here is the "Turn your head and cough" guy. Guys know who I'm talking about here. This person's job is to grab your balls at a physical exam to make sure you have no problems. At mass exams (like for school athelete), they make a line of doctors. ONE unfortunate doctor has no jon but to grope. ::Grabs your balls:: Next! ::Grabs your balls:: Next! AW GEEZ!! Poor guy. How does one explain this to a spouse or friend? After all, your job is to grope and fondle a LINE of underage teenage boys!! What excuses can cover for this?? Friend: Oh, nice to meet you. What do YOU do? You: I, uh. . . assasinate religious leaders and poison children's milk. . . Spouse: Oh, at work again honey? You: Uh, nooo. . . I was. . . smothering clowns with pillows and beating the pope? Husband: Honey! You were grabbing childrens balls today for medicine?!? You: No no no. I was. . . going on a killing spree. Um, injecting patients with AIDS and ebola. . . They. . . died. Husband: Phew, had me worried there. Obviously, ANYTHING is better than owning up to this. Really though, I guess it isn't all THAT bad a job. Problem is. . . you can only do it once. ::cuts off his hand:: . . .twice. Japanese Restaraunt Waiter: Ok, this one isn't as bad as the previous. It is a stable and decent job. . . with one exception. Birthdays. Yea! A customer's birthday! Time to don the nearest stupid mask and dance in circles! Horse mask? No prob! Fat man? A-ok! How bout a three-eyed aging hermaphrodite?? Well, if it IS your B-day. . . Once a day, or MORE, you get to dance in front of preteen hooligins and act like an idiot. If you're lucky, there isn't an open grill, or expect hot food and coal goin down your shorts very soon. Damn hooligans. . . Only consolation? When about to quit, you get to throw the food back! . . .and you have a knife. (Exchange Japanese with Mexican, Greek, or any other ethnicity you know) McDonalds Employee: I know, I know. Duh. McDonalds worker. How original. . . But I don't think you have the same reasons here as me. Have you ever seen an attractive McDonalds worker? A TOLERABLE one?? No, high-school students don't count. McDonalds has the MOST hideous workers on earth. Let me list the workers less than a mile from me. A short man with two noses, a hermaphrodite we lovingly refer to as "Pat", and a midget. Ok, not all ugly, but ALL freaks of nature. There IS a reason for this. And it ISN'T that McD just hires with equal rights. No, the McDonalds company actually makes its employees this way. It is required and enforced. Every man, once hired, is taken to the back room and beaten with a club. They are then put into a machine envolving rotating blades, a neon lazer, and a very angry crocodile. The end result is what you see. There is a reason for this. McDonalds is NOT just a restaraunt. It is actually a high-security government agency weeding out the weak spirited from out society. These newly made freaks are marked by overhead black helicopters and tailed for up to three weeks. At this point, they are loaded into a rocket and fired into the sun. Never to be seen again. Poor guys. . . For your own safety, do NOT get a job here. Puuba Web-master: Can't even count to ten. . . Shaaame. . . Later note -- Pat has not been seen in over a week. Poor guy. Well, enjoy the sun today - get a tan. There'll just be a little bit of Pat in all of us. By Danny
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny