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12 Things to Say to Door to Door SalesmenTo me the only thing worse then phone solicitors are door to door solicitors. well here are a few ways to avoid them or mess with their minds.1) when you answer the door say, "Why hello. OH,OH NO! NOT NOW!!!" and fall down. start making convulsing noises and roll around. hopefully this should scare them off. if not stand up and act as though nothing happened. 2) when confronted ask them if they've seen your lost puppy and look sad. when she/he says no tell them thanks and tell them to call you if she/he does, then close the door. if they knock again say, "Oh thank you so much for finding him. (Insert puppy name) come inside right now." Pretend like there is a dog coming inside. Once again thank the neighbor for finding the dog and shut the door for good. (this one works better if your puppy really isn't missing ::sniff sniff::) 3) Begin by asking their name then go on with the solicitation. Say that you would like to buy their product, and when they ask for a name say theirs. if they get what's going on close the door. other wise go with it. 4) tell them you can't talk right now. your to busy sacrificing a goat to great and merciful Gortho. have chants and barn yard animal sounds coming from the back ground. 5) when you open the door and see who it is close the door immediately and don't open the door again. give them the cold shoulder. i know it doesn't sound that fun and it's very rude. but some people just deserve that. 6) answer the door wearing plastic armor and have a toy sword. challenge them to a duel. if they say no say that you have won by forfeit and shut the door. 7) don't open the door and when ever they knock say, "Who is it?" In a girlish voice. Just keep saying it and they'll leave. or, you end up with hours worth of fun. 8)answer the door wearing a blue hat, a blue shirt, and a cardboard box. Say, " So where would you like it?" When they say, "What?" Say, "Oh sorry i must have the wrong house." and close the door. Reversly they might say thank you and take the box. In that case say, "Just doing my job have a nice day." In either case do not open the door again. 9) Hold up a house plant to them and look at them expectantly. if they try to take it yell, "No". Do this until they leave. 10) Offer them a cookie and laugh like a mad scientist when they take a bite. Look disappointed when they are still standing and say, "Guess i'll have to increase the dosage." and walk inside. 11) Walk outside and say, "No time for the jibba jabba. I've got to buy some milk. And you must be crazier then Murdoc if you want to keep me from my milk!" (This one is good for if your already on your way out) 12) And the twelfth way to get rid of a door to door solicitor by simply saying these words, "My Grandfather told me not to touch the sandwiches that other people reap. So stop harassing my french fried beefalos. Ya Perve!" Shut the door on him if you want. I like to stare at them until the leave. So they are. I worked hard on them. So enjoy them. Please. By Max
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 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny