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The Veggy DilemnaSometimes, when I read the message board, I get to thinking. Usually its about killer space plants and mutant kangaroos. But, sometimes I stay on topic. This time I did. It has come to my attention that there is an argument still going on on the message board. Is it better to be a vegetarian, or meat-eater? Well, I, in all my infinite wisdom, am here to answer that question today. Meat and junk are obviously better. No one should ever eat naturals. And here's why.To begin, some people say that "organic" is better than "inorganic" food. You know, healthier, more pure, more nutritious, more hippy-pansy bullshit. Damn tree-huggers. I bet you love puppies too. . . Anyways, what some people don't realize is what genetic engineering can do. It can, for example, make a half monkey, half tangerine fruit! Think of it! All the meat, half the hair! (Or is it all the fruit, twice the tail?) We can cross nuts with elephants, creating uber-hybrid-ultra-almonds. They could feed all of Africa with one nut. (Sound dirty to anyone else?) And what is wrong with pesticides? If the bugs were in your house, you'd stomp 'em. Why not go the extra step and eradice them all? If there were giants, they'd do it to us. Next, how much do you really know about what is "inorganic"? Maybe they just add fertilizer, or ground babies for flavor. And in the words of a wise man, "You see commercials. Naked people run through fields and farms for fun. When is the last time you saw someone run through a COW??" THAT has gotta be bad for ya. In any case, how do you know that your steak isn't genetically engineered to be more organic? YES, more organic. Take robots for example. Take one robot, add sheep DNA. Cross breed for eight generations. There you have it!! An organic cyborg! Or electrified sheep guts. . . Either way, tastes great. To finish up, there is one HUGE reason to be a meat-eater. If we don't eat the cows. . . who will? The rice cakes? I think not. . . Just imagine it. Cow population goes unchecked. They slowly evolve. In just DAYS, we have super-smart big-head cow all over the place. Cows ruling the world. And it'd only be time until the pork uprising. But, at least there'd be a NEW food. . . Mmmm. . . people-burger. Gut-tastic!! And that's why cows can and MUST be eaten. Its for everyone's good. And by everyone, I mean By Danny
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny