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Jenny's ResponseI'm an official Puuba writer ("official" meaning that I get unflattering pics on the staff page) and a vegetarian. Therefore, I feel that it is my duty to write in response to Danny's anti-Vegetarianism article from a few months ago.Why did I wait so long? Well... I kinda forgot about it. But I remember now! Yes, here I am, ready to... uh... brandish my mighty unbiased sword of words to smite down you bloodthirsty... uh... *cough... you uh... To begin, some people say that "organic" is better than "inorganic" food. You know, healthier, more pure, more nutritious, more hippy-pansy bullshit. Damn tree-huggers. I bet you love puppies too. . . Psh, you damn right I'm a tree hugger! I know, I know, so healthier, purer, more nutritious food sounds pretty unappealing. I understand. So I guess I need to let you in on a little secret about all that so-called "crap"... *whispers* organic food makes your tits grow bigger! I'm serious! I mean just look at... ::looks down:: uhm... ::covers chest:: well, not me. But other vegetarians. Oh yes, just look at... uhm... OVER THERE! LOOK OVER THERE! ::gesticulates wildly, then bashes you on the head with a club when you look:: hahahah, victory is mine! ::runs away:: ::walks back:: Alright, so maybe that's not the most convincing argument. Yeah, who wants their body to feel light and pure anyways... I SURE AS HELL DO, SO Y'ALL CAN GET DOWN AND SUCK IT! ::motions down towards crotch and nonexistent cock:: YEAH! YEAH, BITCH! Anyways, what some people don't realize is what genetic engineering can do. It can, for example, make a half monkey, half tangerine fruit! Think of it! All the meat, half the hair! (Or is it all the fruit, twice the tail?) We can cross nuts with elephants, creating uber-hybrid-ultra-almonds. Oh, now there's a great idea. I'ts all fun and games UNTIL YOU REALIZE THAT CROSSING A MONKEY AND A TANGERINE WOULD BE DISASTROUS! You'd end up with a hairless orange monkey with skin like a tangerine peel, throwing massive JUICY feces at you with unerring accuracy! And uber-hybrid-ultra-almonds?? Sheeeit, boy, DON'T YOU KNOW HOW RICHARD SIMMONS CAME INTO BEING??? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT????? A RACE OF RICHARD SIMMONS'S???? HUH??????? And what is wrong with pesticides? If the bugs were in your house, you'd stomp 'em. Why not go the extra step and eradice them all? If there were giants, they'd do it to us. I will NOT eradicate the insects... Oh Danny, my Puubastic friend, you forget that I am against death ::tries to keep straight face:: ::Bursts out laughing:: Alright alright, so maybe I joke about killing things... a lot... but still... Alright alright... but hey, we're not giants, alright? We don't have to be as uncivilized as they might be (I apologize to any civilized giants out there who may be reading this. I'm sure you're very nice. And vegetarian.). Is that what you want to be, oh Puubites? Giants? Huh? ...Don't answer that... Alright, it should be obvious by now that I'm full of it. All this article has been is me writing whatever comes into my head about what Danny typed. Frankly, I don't care if you eat meat, or if you eat veggies and fish, or if you're vegan, or if you eat people. I don't care. You do what you have to do, and fuck all the arguments (okay, arguing is fun, i'll admit it). I know that all that message board stuff was a while back, but I wasn't message boarding then, and I wanted to say my piece. By Jenny
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
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