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A New Source of EnergyWe here at puuba.com really care about the environment. With today's energy and environment conscious world, we felt that we too should contribute to the nation's, and the world's, health.For years, people have tried to discover new ways to fuel their cars. Scientists have attempted to use water, hydrogen, and peanuts (a technique sadly trampled to death by Anti-Environment elephant protesters). Now, finally, we have a method that just might work. First of all, just who created this "Law of Conservation of Energy"? Energy cannot be created?? Bull-shit! If that was true, how come I never have to refuel after running a marathon or playing tennis? In fact, I don't think that I have ever had to refuel in my life. I say that we find this "scientist", kick his ASS, and force him to repeal his stupid-ass law. Who's it helping? The dolphins?? I don't fish with the triple-size nets for nothing. Next, I say that we can definetely think of some more creative ways to fuel cars. How about hair? Hair burns well -- damn well. (By the way, anyone know how long it takes eyebrows to grow back?) Hey, how many people do you think that it would take to grow enough hair a week to power a car? Twenty? Thirty? Why don't we all just gang up and have massive carpools? Not only do you get to see all of your friends every morning, but you also get to ride is a freakishly large limo/hummer/jet-sled every day. Next, what about urine? Think of it. On a long car ride: "Mooooom. Can we pull over? I gotta go again!!" "No! Wait. . . We do need to fill up. Aw, let 'er rip. Don't even stop, honey" Its even a good reason to legalize drunk driving! No one would EVER need to stop to fill up! And think of it this way: with a small modification, you don't even need to stop when you run out of that! Just throw in the Another suggestion: off of planet drilling! We can just fill a huge rocket with enough gasoline to get to. . . ok, fine. So that one won't work. Finally, I, Danny, will perfect nuclear fusion. It's really easier to do than one would think. 1) Place one large rock of plutoneum into a catapult. (careful - this stuff is very volitile) 2) Put another piece of plutoneum into a rocket launcher aimed at rock A. (I said: CAREFUL!) 3) Cover both samples in rubber cement. 4) Aim, fire, and RUN LIKE HELL The process should work perfectly, yielding loads of precious energy. Also, unlike some "child sensitive" web sites, we highly encourage you kids at home to try this. (Plutoneum can easily be obtained at your local nuclear reactor or Toys R Us). Go on, kids. Save the planet! In addition to all this, I guess that we COULD use bikes more and make more efficient cars or something. . . But, why? This is easier. And think of it this way, if we DO fail and the planet DOES fall apart to shit and we all die, at least the newly established monkey race will have it better without us. They didn't need any more slaves anyway. "Damn you, monkeys! This is Earth!! Damn dirty apes!!!!! Want a 'nanna?" By Danny
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny