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Puuba.Com 2001 East Coast College Review
AKA - Clips from Danny's "Diary", Spit Out

     I have just returned form a trip to the East coast scouting colleges. This, therefore, makes me a complete professional and a scholar. And my opinion matters! So now, without further adeau, compiled solely from notes taken on my trip, is the 2001 college review. Make all your decisions based on this.

Before you read -
Caution - this article contains no wanker material. Please keep both hands firmly on the keyboard at all times. . .

Spot #1 - Boston, Massachusetts

     I think a lobster stole my wallet and the city smells like fish. (and yet somehow, the aquarium smells like people. . . )
     Boston rain tastes like pee-hole.

  • Tufts University
         Ivy, elephants, and cannons make this a very good choice. An added bonus, the cannon was painted like an elephant.
         Not much else.

  • Harvard University
         I guess I can't turn Harvard down if they want me. If I get in, I'm there. If I don't, I'll cry. There is more ivy and brick here than there is student. But, I guess its suppoed to be like that here. You don't get in.
         Harvard was founded in 1686 by John Harvard, a lawyer, and that is the most useless thing I know.

  • Boston University
         The whole campus smells like bum. There isn't really a campus, more like a smart city.
         Heh, right next to the School of Health, there are three restaurants. I guess if you go to Fresh 'n' Healthy, you get an 'A'. If you go to Seven-Eleven, you get an 'F'. If you go to Taco Bell, however, you get. . . a taco.
    Spot #2 - Providence, Rhode Island


    "I like Ass!"
         It looks like the whole city got nuclear bombed. . . and all that died. . . was the fun. I dunno if you've seen the show before, but this city makes a crisis about a gay dog and a goat with cancer look fun!
         God damn, there's actually a playstation and kiddy porno in the hotel room to pass the time! If only I could do both. . .
         I can't play Hexen with just one hand. . .

         I actually have a theory about this place. I like to call it the Danny theory of Sucknacity. . .
    Danny's Theory of Sucknacity
    IF - no one comes out when there are vampires.
    AND - no one comes out in Providence on Sundays.
    THEN - Providence is one vampire infested hole.

  • Brown University
         My trip here was fairly short. The place is pretty hippy and pretty cool. All I saw was one tour guide, to whom I asked the most important question of all: "Excuse me, sir? Which way home?"

    Spot #3 - Connecticut

         As for the next bit of my trip, I will summarize this more quickly. Those of you who are not my girlfriend may proceed to the left. Alena, you may proceed on the right.

    		I

    w
    a
    s

    b
    o
    r
    e
    d

         I hope everyone has enjoyed their respective sections. I love you, Alena.

    Spot #4 - Princeton, New Jersey


    Why don't you sign us a treaty, huh? Starve when we kill your buffalo!
    Shed a single tear
         Heehaw, ya'll! Wahoo! Let's raise us a mother fucking barnyard, ya'll!!
         I dunno. It feels a little. . . farm like? Imagine a guy named Billy. . . who lives in the hills. . .
         But, really. This is a beautiful city. Lots of trees, and grass, and. . . greeeen. Really great. . . if you're an Indian!!
         But, it is really nice. Almost like a huge, beautiful park. It almost makes me want to grow old, and shred my clothes, and be a bum feeding pidgeons. You know; really spiritual.

  • Princeton University
         It . . . was . . . good . . .

    Spot #5 - New York, New York


    Courtyard Mariott, I stole your paper!! Ha, bitch!
         In the interest of my own future, this article will officially conclude here. I have now insulted almost every college I am interested in even slightly and have barred myself from any semblance of a future.
         As a side note, I have now created a new slogan for New York.
    Welcome to NewYork. Duck, mutha'fucka'!!
    Stand in Awe.


    Now more free death in every flight!
         Just one more thing. . . Did you know that there actually was an airline called "Air Plus Comet"? Damn. . .


         College admission officers -- Please disregard everything you just read. It is all just in fun. . . unless I don't like you. Please don't hate me.



    By Danny

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