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How To Talk Like a PirateWe here at puuba.com know just how important it is to be multi-cultural. To ever truely be at peace, we all must be able to get along with our international brothers. That's why we have decided today to focus on one of the most underrated cultures of all time -- pirate.Talking like a pirate is one of those things that is extremely enjoyable yet highly underrated. It comes in very handy when you are trying to convince people in elevators that you are crazy, conning people into giving you their rum, or are simply looking for something to do. And how else can you be someone's pirate conscience? Now, lets find out how it works First of all, you'll just look like a dumbass with a bad scottish accent unless you find the right outfit to go with your new sound. May I suggest an eye-patch to begin with. Cheap, easy, effective. Next, you can either 1) Get a peg leg, or 2) Steal some old guy's parrot to sit on your shoulder. (preferably dead). A real peg leg requires a lot more work simply because. . . you hafta lose your leg. However, if you have a high enough pain threshold and really want into the new trend, this is definetely the way to go. If you're a pansy, you can always find a parrot in a local pet store. The more adventurous will go out and hunt their own. . . ya pansy. A pretty red and white striped shirt and some pantaloons could only add to the style. Now that you look swashbuckle-rific, you only have to learn some common P-dog slang. Step One: Some Common Words to Help People Think You're Crazy: Avast- hello Blimey- gee whiz! Me bucko- good friend Ale- alcohol Scurvy dog - ass pirate (the usual doesn't really go down so well with the pirate crew) Ok, say them after me. No! Not like that! Like a pirate! Talk like you lost your teeth when you were twelve and your only friend is a cannon! Your voice is sweet as salt! Now, for some sentences. . . Step Two: Putting the Words Together: Yaharr, me hearty matey! - What's up, man? Yarg! The butt pirates stole me booty! - I've been gang raped. Avast, whar be my line o' shine and zippin? - Are my pants zipped? Swab the poop deck! - I dunno, Something about forgetting to wipe. Also, feel free to throw out any random words such as "Arrr!", or "Ahoy!". They do not have to go anywhere in particular. Also, whenever in doubt, use the longest, most drawn-out way of saying something that you can. (My house - Tha Rooms of Sleep an Death an Sorrow) If it doesn't sound spooky, YOU don't sound pirate. If ever seriously in trouble, let the cussing reign free. Pirates are tough blokes and there's nothing sadder than a pirate who just sounds like a grumpy English grandpa on speed. If ya got nothing to say, it might as well be dirty. Careful, though. If cussing is overused, you could be mistaken for an ordinary stumbing drunkard. A fine line indeed. Lastly, but most importantly: Be Bad-ass!! Pirates don't take no shit from no one. If they get in your face, make them Respect Your AUTHORITAY! Pirates and peg-legs can become effective as weapons in situations such as this. (Get 'im, Polly!!) In conclusion, to be a pirate, you must think pirate. Just follow all of these steps, and if someone calls ya crazy, send 'em to Davy Jones' locker! YAHARR!! By Danny
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny