How to Film a Porn X2
The Many Different Types

When we last split ways, I left you with your camera equipment, a barren set, and a slew of whorish girls. I left you dicks in hand, waiting to fap, and left with only a bouquette of love. I even stole your lube. Hopefully however, a week later, the girls are all still there and you haven't set out cake. You can't film porn alone and there ain't nothing plumper than a hooker who's a plumper.      This time, I plan to cover the details to the action and the filming. And at the end, we'll have some time for Q&A.      After our T&A.	What is in the butt? Is it only meat? NO! The answer is meat and disaster!
The only hero I would fuck is Bubbles, PPG.	The Filming      Once you've got your set laid out, its time to lay the cast. I suggest either a lesbian flick or something with a lesbian. You want your film to be erotic, but keep humor in mind as well. It should be sexy, but still a little funny. Like tommorow night, when we'll have anal sex, but I'll be dressed as Darth Vader. And then I'll cry myself to sleep, and you'll smoke an exploding cigarette.      Erotic, but a little funny too.
Masochism and Domination. I like the leather, vinyl suits, but only 'cause they look like hero suits. As much as I like to be tied down and beat, I can't get the the image out of my head that I'm having sex with Superman. And laser-eyes are tough in bed. That's why I carry kryptonite butt plugs.      In addition, try to be surprising if you want to try the S&M. Ice and whips and rope are so cliche. If possible, try to use something new. If possible, hide a three legged midget in your vagina. Teach him to sing about flowers when you fuck. Shave your pubes into an American flag. Force your sweety to do the pledge.      Arts and crafts can have no bounds when your penis is the popsicle stick.	I even built a birdhouse!
I bet Gutsman was lesbian.	Lesbian play. These are the things that dreams are made of. I have dreams that I'm a lesbian and think of them all night. Right after I scream and make sure I'm still a man. It is my personal belief that God invented lesbians specifically for me. Thousands of years of genetic purification, the end result being my wang. I believe the same exact thing about sandwiches and porn, but the end result's the same. Me and God are tight like this.      Once upon a time, I actually was a lesbian. It was great. Life got ready to rub my neck, and then turned it into a sensual chocolate massage. And just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it entered me quickly with a kind of a shove and a stifled grunt and reminded me again why I never wear butt plugs. Lesbians can hurt.
As far as I have ever seen, straight porno all blows. The guys have giant cocks and the women are all hot. My penis is too ashamed to show its face to my TV. Which is really saying very little, cuz my penis has a broken nose. In addition, there is no way to get aroused when faced with triumph of this scale. You dick is thinking anal, but your head is thinking Magic. Did he just impale that girl on a halberd made of cock? Or did I roll a saving throw and glance it off my skin? I always forget the Weapon Skill of Rocco's money shot. . .      More so, every time I get really into the action, a penis just goes and enters my eye. Not to say it isn't equally bad to get one in the ear, but at least that blocks out the big guy's grunting. And I could never fuck in platform heels. No matter what kind of underground magic-dino training, with all the railguns in the world, I'll just never succeed. I have the heart and I have determination. I once died by wooden stake to prove I was a vampire. Jews just don't have the balance.      And that is why the ladies love me.      I always look good in backwards chaps.	Leslie Neilson, Dracula. They also love me cuz they know that I can rock.
I have the fucking weirdest dreams. . .	So, in conclusion, I'm more a porno conosseur than any kind of pro. My own collection consists of nothing more than Gamepro magazines and empty dreams. I once saw two girls making out on a beach. I once had two girls at a time in my head. And I once saw a girl shoot out beer through her tits.      I have seen the fountain of joy.      And still no one cares who the fuck that I am.

Did you really see a girl shoot beer through titties??
Of course. I see fucking everything, except the steps to DDR.

What exactly is a man?
A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!

I
Before you ask, have you got a tissue?

I. . .
No, no, no, its time to fap.