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Getting Started in Norrath
A Guide
 So, you're ready to enter the life of Everquest. . . You may want to know what you're getting into. Well, that's what this guide is all about: teaching and preparing you to enter the world of Norrath. What is Norrath, you ask? Well, imagine the most beautiful place on Earth; trees, grass, and a beautiful sun. Now, imagine you can never go there because you are trapped in front of a tiny box all day. Ok, now you're ready.
First, to prepare, you're going to need some accesories: the staples to your existance and only protections from madness in the months to come. The essentials include three things. First of all, you'll need at least a six-pack of Jolt cola. This way, you can avoid sleep for weeks at a time. Sleep was something for the weak anyway. You're a man now! Next, you'll need a pen and paper for writing to your parents or loved ones. You'll never see them again and it will probably be best to simply slip notes under a door. They can only interrupt your concentration. Your grisley beard and claw-like hands will frighten them. And finally, you'll need a picture of your family. Its good to remember at least what they look like.
Finally, you can boot the game and begin your life. Pick any race you want, but preferably human. Those can be pirates! On second hand, Maybe you should pick a race and face like your own. Forget your family; without a mirror, you may not remember what you look like either. As for class, it may be beneficial to pick something realistic, such as computer technician, or carpenter, instead or warrior. After years of EQ, you may never be able to get a real job.
And finally gender. Please stick with reality here. There's nothing worse than marrying an Everwife, having Everkids, and finding out that your Everlove is an EverDRAGQUEEN. Honestly is the best policy.
Unless of course you're Canadian, that is. I'd lie.
Finally, at this point, a name. Try to be creative. You shouldn't just be "Henry, the guy with a sword". That's who you are in real life. . . Hopefully without the sword. Try new and different things: If you're a wiz, maybe "Nuker" or "Castor" -- warrior, maybe "Basher" or "Crusher" or "Hit-you-with-My-Club-er" You know, something unexpected. If you're one of the many 12-year- olds, playing just to kill things, be sure to name yourself after your favorite Pokémon! I personally play as a buff pro wrestler, named Myrtle.
Point Distribution: If you're a warrior, put points into wisdom. You already have enough strength. If you're a wizard, dump points into strength. You need to be able to carry that bronze armor. After all, everyone wants a character who can caste scorae and SOW, all the while chucking other enemies at his enemy. And wearing a kilt.
Finally you can enter the Everquest world. But, remember, before you move. . .
/shout DING! Level One!
It only happens once. . .
and everyone wants to know. . .
By Danny
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Brother/Sister/LifePartner Things
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo.
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