N.A.R.C

Two Robocops. One bloodlust.

     Once upon a time, people still hated drugs. They made you smell bad, made you look dumb, and got you molested. In this kinder, purer time, this type of advertising was everywhere. Even the video game industry got into it. And believe or not, there was a game to go with that .002 second Surgeon General’s warning that you always ignore when you’re lighting up your crack pipe before a game of MK4. Run to your NES and turn on NARC. What do you see? Two robocop wanabes scowling at you menacingly. Followed by the first ever in-game anti-drug tag. Little did Nintendo know that one day this tag would spread to every arcade game world wide. Even less did they know that one day children would snort lines off this very screen. So, press start and pick your robocop. Welcome to the Subhuman Eradication Forces.

I said 'KWAK'! Not Crack!

     Now, some old games had a readily discernable plot. You didn't have to read the booklet. NARC, however, was not one of these games. As far as I could ever tell, NARC just stood for Needless And Ravenous Cap-busters. But, now, thinking back, I guess you were cops. Stopping the drug trade or something. But you never could be sure; Nintendo censored any reference to drugs in the game. You know; if hobos and clowns took them, they must be cool. . . .And babies eat each other if they hear the word 'cock'.

Protip: After blowing up a hobo, catch his head for extra points!

     So, hop into your cruiser and hit level one. Here in The Pipeline, hobos are king. Tired of living in boxcars and under children's beds, the hobos in this town have taken to the street. Each comes equipped with a life times supply of ammo and a full pound of heroin. Then, enter the subway and leave again. You only wanted a tour, anyway. Don't wonder too hard where the dogs came from. Every hobo has a specially trained K-9 force. Send 'em back to the railroad tracks and return to base. A city well exterminated.

Yea. . . He definetely ain't givin flu shots.

     And on to Kwak Street. I used to think that this place was a huge medical center. The baddies attack with giant hypodermic needles! I always wondered why they wanted to cure my cold so badly. . . How wrong I was. So, blow up the blow, beat the leather clad Germans, and move on. Or just stand still. . . Free samples are fun.

When out of ideas, resort to clowns?

     Assuming you aren't still shootin' up wit' da homies, you've now entered The Bridge. Just cruise. You're in your car, a friend beside you, the road behind you, and a drugged out OGRE in front of you. His name is Trashcan Ted. He's hard to put down. Luckily, you have a car. Your choice: fight him, or crush him. . . Crush 'im. The next level is filled with clowns. I don't know why. Rather than thinking too hard about it, kill them all. Anyone for some clown goo?

Protip: Just stand next to a hobo to arrest him. Push A to accept his bribe. Push B to accept his bribe and kill him.

     And then to the Atrium. This green house is filled with miniature handicaps. And all you have to do is steal their plants! How easy is that? And how evil are you?! It. . . could be medicinal. Fine, forget it. Kill their grandpa, steal their gold, and beat the game.

Twice the clown equals twice the impact.

     You rid the world of hobos, Germans and cripples. Along the way, you killed some dogs. At least no one can call you a wussy. . . . Or bear to look you in the eye. . .

     You win. . . NARC.



By Danny

Related Puuba Trash

Back To Video Games

"How To Kill a Man"

"Bubble Bobble"