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MIGHTIEST VIKING OF THEM ALLWho was the mightiest viking of them all? Some might say that it was Eric the Red. Other would say that it was Lief Ericson. But in my book it's a tie between Hagar the Horrible and the Armor All Guy. Both of them are covered in hair, and both carry huge hurting devices. But who is the mightiest viking of them all? My question still remains unanswered. But luckily i just got the two together and discussed some details and got them to, BARBARIAN DUEL TO SEE WHO THE IS MIGHTIEST VIKING OF THEM ALL!!! Will it be the "Viking Caper from the Paper" or the "Bruiser of the Cruisers"? Let's go to the arena to find out.The sun is setting and the air is wet from the drizzling rain, but neither of the conditions affect the warriors in the arena here today. In the center of the battle grounds a golden crown and staff stand erected on the top of a hill. One of the warriors wears a fur coat type thing and wields a huge club. The other is donned entirely in black and has a massive ax. The first to reach the crown and staff before the other can will become known as the MIGHTIEST VIKING OF THEM ALL. The other will be shamed and sacrificed to Great Puuba. The two stand on the outside of the ring and lock eyes. Somewhere a bell tolls. The fight has begun. HUH: (raising his club above his head and beginning to run) Prepare to be clobbermiestered!!! AAG: Not while i'm still alive! HUH: Well you won't be for very long. Armor All Guy starts to run at Hagar with his ax propped for an attack. The two meet near the center. But a little north. Their weapons meet with a clash and neither gains ground. They begin to trade blows, each is blocked by a swift movement and a loud whacking noise. The fight remains this way until Hagar kicks dirt in Armor All Guy's face. Hagar beats Armor All Guy in the stomach with his club, knocking him back and knocking the wind out of him. Hagar is about to clobber Armor All over the head, when he receives an ax shaft to the gut. AAG: Have you no honor. HUH: Real vikings fight to win. They fight dirty. As if to prove his point further Hagar takes off the five air fresheners that have been hanging around his neck. The putrid smell wafts over Armor All Guy almost completely disabling him. AAG: Ahh. AhH! That's really rank! When was the last time you bathed. HUH: Seven years ago. AGG: Why so long? HUH: It's easier than building model airplanes and twice as fun. AAG: Well, cough, i can play dirty too. Just then Armor All Guy takes out a spray can and sprays it Hagar. HUH: What is that? AAG: It's Armor All's new stain and grease remover with lemon scent smell. HUH: NOOO, my stench my beautiful stench! AAH: Back to fighting! Armor all guy brings his ax down on top of Hagar's head. Hagar dodges and brings his club into Armor All Guy's stomach. Armor All merely shrugs and knees Haggard. Hagar falls down. Armor All Guy brings his ax up to deliver the final blow, but a realization hits him. Hagar is viking. AAG: We stop this nonsense now brother viking! Let us stand together and accept the title together. HUH: You're right. Armor All Guy helps Hagar up and they begin to walk towards the hill. Suddenly a 1989 chevy custom van appears from one of the entrances and runs over Hagar in this moment of brotherly love. The van stops and Mr. T steps out. AAG: What in the Hell!!! You killed Hagar!! MT: I pity the foo who doesn't get out of the way of my van. AAG: You were going 90 MPH! MT: No time for the jibba jabba I've got a title to win. AAG: In order to win you have to be a viking. MT: Vikings tuff? AAG: Well yes. MT: Well then logically the title rightfully belongs to me because I'm the toughest man there ever is. AAG: But you just.. MT: (interrupting) I said no time for the jibba jabba. With that Mr. T bilbo bops Armor All Guy on the head, who collapses in a heap. Mr. T then throws him out of the stadium and into the parking lot. Where he hits a car at such a speed that fusion is created (Danny and Martini step out of nowhere and perform the Fusion Dance) and the car becomes so bright that it blinds the owners who turn out to be the parents of the child named ButtSex. ButtSex: (to now blinded parents) What? Do you think that by blinding yourselves with an ultra bright car you will make me feel sorry for you. Well forget about it! I still hate you!! Kids across the street: Hey ButtSex want to play a little stick and ball game with us? ButtSex: I HATE YOU!!! (runs away crying and cursing his parents.) Back in the arena Mr. T is being crowned MIGHTIEST VIKING IN THE WORLD. MT: So remember kids the morale of this battle is. That's right, always drink your milk and you'll end up a mighty viking like me. Not crazier than Murdoc. Just eat my damn cereal too. By Max
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny