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Martha Stewart vs The Ausie HunterMC: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls: welcome to the MAIN EVENT! In the red corner, we have the one, the only, the kinda creepy, Martha Stewart. And in the blue corner, the mighty manly moosalon Ausie Hunter!! These two have come to the ring to settle one important question: Which man is the MANLIEST??Aussie: You are goin DOWN, mate! Throw a couple shrimp on the barbie. A dingo ate my baby. And a koala ate my pants. MC: What?? Aussie: You are goin DOWN, BIG MAN! Martha: (just sitting there, a wet cloth over her head) . . . MC: Ms. Stewart? Martha: (startled)Oh, um, hi. Its not what it looks like. I'm. . . sniffing ether. . . And. . . um, yea. MC: Ring the bell!! DING! The Aussie Hunter starts out first, slowly advancing on Martha. Martha pays no attention, slowly knitting something out of sight. Aussie: Come on then! The Aussie runs at Martha, a snake in each hand. He twirls them over his head and begins whipping Martha with them. Aussie: Ha!! A snake turns around and bites the Aussie. Aussie: Augh! His arm slowly turns green and falls off. Aussie: But, thats alroit, because I. . . AW CROIKY, MY ARM!!! Martha continues sewing. Aussie: Next plan! The Aussie pulls a huge helmet out of his pants. . . A meat helmet, covered in hotdogs and rotting pork. Aussie: (puts on the helmet) Now, we have filled this tank with man eating octopus's. Now, they should be angry enough because we have not fed them in weeks and I personally have been poking them with sharp sticks and insulting their mothers. Lets see what happens. The Aussie jumps into the tank. MC: What does this prove?!? Aussie: OH! AUGH!! YES!! HARDER!!! MC: And that answers that. . . The Aussie jumps out of the tank just as Martha ceases sewing. Aussie: Now then, girlie. What HAVE you been doing this whole time?? Martha: THIS! Clouds move across the sky. Lighting crackles through the air, Martha pulls out a huge cape and knit sword and puts them on. She heaves the sword up over her head, toward the sky. Martha: By the powers of castle Grey-Skull entrusted to me, you will be smitten!! Electricity begins crackling around the sword. Martha swings it, cutting off the Aussie's other arm. Aussie: But, that's alroit, because I have this special patented Bat Arm-Back-On Spray. Robin: Holy stupid plot twist, Batman!! Martha: Feel my steel, small head!! Aussie: Whot? Martha: Um. . . I said. . . feel my steel small head? Aussie: Roit. Martha: YAAAAARG!!!! (swings the sword again, hacking the Aussie into bits) The Aussie Hunter passes out, dead. MC: The Hunter is down. Here's the count. Mills Lane: 1! Mills Lane: 2! The Aussie Hunter stumbles to his feet, holding his innards in with one hand. Aussie: You see, that's ok because. . . I have a magic cow. Voice from Behind Them: Hello. I am a magic cow. Don't eat me and I'll grant you three wi. . .. GRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND. Four rotating blades come down out of nowhere and grind the cow to beef. Martha smirks. Aussie: Well damn. (falls over again) Martha: Again the cleanly one has prevailed triumphant!!! (reaches down and pulls out the Aussie Hunters heart, takes a bite) GYAAAAA!!!!! MC: Holy. . . Martha looks over, blood smeared all over her face. MC: Oh shit. . . Martha: Come 'ere!! I'm goin ta eatchoo!! You're going to be my suppa!! Martha chases him off wildly, swinging her sword. Martha: I'll turn you INTO a paper SWAN!!! MC: AIEEE!! Winner: Martha Stewart. . . . . .possesed by He-Man By Danny
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Link Back Links Writer(s) |
 Danny's weekly video game column. Culture, history, gameplay, tech, and dick jokes. Funny, if you're a dorkmo. |
Puuba-Danny